Amazing Funny Quotes

“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”

“A proof that experience is of no use, is that the end of one love does not prevent us from beginning another.”

“Women marry men hoping they will change.Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”

“When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.”

“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.”

“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.”

“A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.”

“I detest ‘love lyrics.’ I think one of the causes of bad mental health in the United States is that people have been raised on ‘love lyrics.”

“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.”

“If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.”

“Love is the gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everyone else.”

“Love is the gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everyone else.”

“First love is a kind of vaccination which saves man from catching the complaint the second time.”

“Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.”

“Falling in love is not at all the most stupid thing that people do, but gravitation cannot be held responsible for it.”

“An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”

“A lady of 47 who has been married 27 years and has six children knows what love really is and once described it for me like this: ‘Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.”

“Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can’t help but smile on it.”

“True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.”

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”